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A Day at the Park
'A Day at the Park '''is a video that was released on April 1, 2016, to Brandon Rogers' YouTube channel. As of June 18, 2018, this video has about 33,000,000 views, making it the most viewed video on his channel. The video follows a single day from the perspective of many iconic characters from Brandon Rogers' channel, with every character facing a problem as the story goes by. A similar-styled "sequel" video titled "A Day at the Beach" was released on August 3, 2018. Plot The video starts with Timmy making a cup of coffee for his mother, Kathy. She awakens, assuming it's the morning, asking if Timmy is ready. Timmy points at the alarm clock, which goes off as it is 12:00. Kathy is suddenly dressed and ready, she screams around the house and does the morning chores such as cereal, cleaning herself and doing the dishes. Everyone gets into the car and they prepare to speed, where George appears in the backseat asking for ice cream, Kathy ignores the fact he has been there since last week and they arrive in the park while driving past Elmer who is now park ranger. Kathy runs through the park and sees Donna who is having a picnic with Sam. The story now switches over to Sam, who tells the camera that they are celebrating Donna becoming a spokeswoman for ''Anisol, an anal hemorrhoid cream. Sam says that he makes inspirational flyers for young disabled children and gives a couple of examples. The story swaps over to Elmer who has quit his job at Mashy Mart and Disneyland and has become a park ranger, he says that he has been a park ranger for 1 month, George turns up and is lost. Elmer asks what is the matter, and George asks for Elmer's help to find his family or he may be lost forever, Elmer starts to give the 31 top ten threats of Styrofoam, but George runs away. When George runs away, he rushes past Helen Brownstein, who tells him to stop running. The story now flashes to Helen, who tells the camera she has been promoted to field trip supervisor, despite passing out on an occasion where her hair was dyed and then removed. Helen says she never takes her eyes off the children ever. She doesn't use toilets, she lets out a small amount of urine, lets that absorb, then evaporate and start again. Helen says that she drinks to forget but always remembers. Sam runs past, who is told to stop running, the story flashes over to Sam again, who says he runs to get rid of last nights mistakes (eating cheesecake), Sam then runs into Jürgen's "concentration camp". The story now flashes over to Jürgen. He explains that he has decided to spend some time in the wilderness to get his creativity flowing. His team members say that working for a blind fashion designer isn't good and that they have lost money on sexual assault charges due to Jürgen's latest brand of clothing. Jürgen gets lost in his tent with his stick out saying that it isn't the bathroom. Jürgen hi fives Damien Ditsen and assumes that he and American Boyfriend are Asian, so he calls them "the worst Asian employees", where the Asian Girlfriend turns up, insulted by the word "Asian". The American Boyfriend asks where she has been, saying she got locked in McDonald's because of him. The story flashes to the American Boyfriend, who says that his relationship hasn't been going too well with his girlfriend and that they have hired Alex Rimmer, an acting coach, to teach them how to act loving toward each other. The American Boyfriend introduces his girlfriend to Jürgen, who assumes the girlfriend is male and that they are a gay couple. Jürgen ends up apologizing for the previous jokes he has made. The japanesgirlfriend tells Jürgen to eat her sweat, but he says he isn't gay. He then runs hoping no one chases him. Jürgen then stands in the middle of a road and begins undressing, thinking he's alone. Dorian Ditsen drives past, almost killing him. He stops the car abruptly, with all the workers inside. The story flashes to Dorian. Dorian says that company picnics used to excite him, but things haven't been right since Diesel left him for Kevin. Dorian explains that the two keep following him around and making fun of him. Dorian is hit by an egg by the two, where Damian comes in and uses Kevin to hit Diesel, the two run off back to the picnic. Damien looks at Dorian, and Dorian ignores him until Damien leaves, saying the family has been asking about him. Damien reveals the entire family cast him out due to him being straight, but as he is the only straight one in the family everyone thinks it is a mental illness. Jürgen starts screeching like a bird, getting the attention of Dorian and Damien. The former instantly recognises him, and Damien reveals that Jürgen is his boss. Dorian tells Damien that he wishes he had a better one than Bryce Tankthrust. Bryce tells the team that during the Spring they should start saving for Christmas, Vishalam Rangan tells Bryce to fuck herself and Christmas, while she lights a cigarette, the whole company bursts into argument. The story flashes to Bryce, who says that she asked for a picnic to be arranged for the top performing branch of Nightingale Auto Insurance. Bryce turns to Jimmy Rustler, where she says that he is within 20 feet of children, and needs to put his T-Shirt on, saying he's a rapist. The story flashes to Jimmy briefly, who says the shade of blue on the shirt is disgusting. Dorian returns, Bryce has an argument with him, and says she got the promotion in blowjob-giving. Craig Dildon asks for a promotion, but Bryce says she would rather have sex with literally anyone else. The story flashes back to Helen, who asks for drugs. Timmy turns up and throws a rock at Helen and pulls her pants down, Helen grabs Timmy firmly by the arm, where Kathy turns up, the two have an argument and start fighting, Timmy runs off while he can. Jimmy finds Timmy, but is interrupted by Sam. Kathy searches the park looking for Timmy, she starts screaming and panicking. The story turns back to Jürgen who finds Jimmy and asks for his "RAPIST" shirt, Jimmy hands it over. The story flashes to Vishalam, who comes out of a toilet. The Asian Girlfriend awaits Vishalam's arrival, the two insult each other until the girlfriend reveals she knows that Vishalam isn't actually Indian. Vishalam (in her real accent) asks what she needs to give the girlfriend to keep her mouth shut. She hands over the equivalent of $100 (50 cents and a vons club card). The girlfriend takes it and leaves, breaking into her male voice. Jürgen chases after Sam as he is lost and needs help, as Jürgen is wearing his "RAPIST" shirt. Sam stops, and noticing Jürgen's shirt, thinks Jürgen is a rapist and attacks him after using the phrase "No means no." The story flashes to George who is lost, saying the day can't get worse. Donna appears. She and George apparently know each other. Donna says she called George the other night, but accidentally called Dorian Ditsen instead. George asks for Donna's help to find Kathy and Timmy, but when Donna suggests catching up, he runs off again. Kathy screams again, looking for Timmy when she bursts into Elmer's office while he was on the phone. Kathy screams at Elmer, and destroys his office after he telling her to retrace her steps. Kathy runs through the park and lands on the picnic table where she kicks James Shaft in the face & attacks Bryce. The whole scenario is shown to be all part of Timmy's imagination. Script *Timmy makes coffee for Kathy* Kathy: *snorts* Good morning sweetie... Ready for mama to chaperone you on your first school field trip? *Timmy points at the alarm clock* Mom: FUCK! WE'RE 4 HOURS LATE FOR THIS GODDAMN BULLSHIT! *Bangs on door* SAMANTHA, WAKE UP! WE'RE LEAVING IN NEGATIVE 6 MINUTES! WAKE UP YOUR FUCKING SISTER! AGH! *Stabs cereal box* AGH! *Pours cereal into containers* HURRY UP! WE'RE LOSING TIME! WHERE THE HELL IS MY RASH OINTMENT? Fuck it, mama’s going to itch. I’M GONNA NEED A PRE- *Drops baby into dishwasher* AGH! SAMANTHA? WE'RE LEAVING IN 3 SECONDS! *Pours milk into containers* THIS SHOWER IS GOING TO HAVE TO BE PTA! Pits, tits, ass. AGH! *Pours milk into containers again* AGH! *Throws milk at fridge and closes it* I need cum. AGH, COME ON! NO TIME FOR CAILLOU!. NO TIME FOR SEAT BELTS! HOLD ON! MAMA’S GONNA GAS THIS THING! GET READY TO GO THROUGH TIME! AGH! George: Can I get a ice cream when we get there? Kathy: Dad, what are you doing in here?! George: I’ve been locked in here since last Friday! Kathy: Yeah, yeah, that’s great, look, there’s that hippie fuck I was telling you about. Elmer: Hello, welcome to the park. Thank you for bringing your fucking kids. Kathy: Alright, we're here! *Baby falls off the car* ...What?! Alright, Timmy, go play with your-- Don’t touch me! Go play with your friends. George: I’m still here! Kathy: Oh, fuck. Good morning Donna! You look very mature today! Donna: Well, hi Kathy! Look at you, out of the house by noon! Sam: *Rolls eyes* I'm out here having a dandy picnic with my roommate, Donna. Donna: We need more Coke! Sam: We packed Pepsi. We’re out here trying to celebrate her breakthrough role as a butt pimple spokesperson. Donna: Hemorrhoids used to control my life. But thanks to Anisol, I've turned my hemorrhoids into hope! Now my asshole doesn’t look a day over five! Announcer: Ask your doctor if Anisol is right for you. Side effects may include dizziness, larger hemorrhoids and obscene blood farting. Sam: I do have my share of talents as well. In my off-time I like to make postcards for young disabled's. This one says, “My syndrome may be down but my hopes are up!" “I am handicapable of math!" I really am. Elmer: This is a Saratoga nettle. They are extremely nutritious. *Bites Saratoga nettle* *Vomits* I was incorrect. My name is Elmer. I have been a park ranger for a month. Excuse me Filipino man, please do that in the bathroom. I like working in the outdoors. Not because I’m Mexican, but because I’m Native American. Now I’m stuck. Aren’t these trees beautiful? They are the oldest known living beings in this park. *Bumps into George* George: Oopsie. Elmer: I was wrong. George: Please, I need you to help me find my family, or I might never make it back to civilization. Elmer: As park ranger, it is my responsibility and honor. It will also give me ample time to fill you in on the 31 dangers of styrofoam. Number 1-- George: *Runs away* OH, FUCK THAT! Helen: (Through megaphone) Stop running! You, in the slutty outfit! You’re not getting pregnant on my jungle gym! You know, I’m surprised they let me be field trip supervisor after passing out last time. *snorts* Which one of you dick twitches dyed my hair?! I’m gonna go back to sleep, and when I wake up, I want this fixed! *snorts* God dammit. Now I never take my eyes off the children, not even to go to the bathroom. (Through megaphone) It's unsanitary. I have a technique. I let out only a little bit, I let it absorb, let that evaporate, and start back at square one. I found the 4th graders! (Through megaphone) They're inside each other! I. NEED. PILLS. I drink to forget, but I always remember. (Through megaphone) No running you piece of shit. Sam: I’ll run as much as I want to! Running is a way to clear up last night’s bad choices. I had cheesecake. I’m just loving life-- OH! *Runs into tent* Jürgen: HELP! I'M UNDER ATTACK BY A LESBIAN! I have decided to spend 4 days in the wilderness, to help focus on my creative concentration. HURRY UP WITH MEIN CONCENTRATION CAMP! Damian: Workin’ for a blind fashion designer fuckin’ blows. His latest line of brail clothing really costs us a pretty penny in sexual harassment suits. American Boyfriend: So we convince him to go to Cancun for a few days just to get him out of the office. Person on Megaphone: Welcome aboard! Our nonstop flight to Cancun will be 15 minutes. Jürgen: Gott in himel, this flight must have cost a fortune. Alteast we’re not traveling with any poor people though, am I right? *laughs* Jürgen: Oopsie daisy! I don't think this is the bathroom! Hail Five! *Nazi salute high five* I don’t feel creative yet! You two are the worst Asian employees I’ve ever hired! Asian Girlfriend: HUH?! What’s wong with Asian, asshole?! American Boyfriend: Heyya babe... uh w-where you been? Asian Girlfriend: You left me at a goddamn McDonalds, I wasn’t loving it! American Boyfriend: Yeah, things haven’t been going too well with me and my girlfriend. Obviously we can’t be nice towards each other, but we can fake it. So, I hired an acting coach to help us save our relationship. Coach: I’d like to start out with some acting exercises- Asian Girlfriend: You told me there would be no exerciIIIIISE! American Boyfriend: Babe, calm down, this guy cost us 200 dollas! Asian Girlfriend: WHAT. THE. FUUUCK?!- Coach: No, I’m not worth 200. I thought he was batshit crazy when he offered me that much, but then I saw his transsexual asian girlfriend with parkinsons and it all became so clear. He’s retarded. American Boyfriend: Babe, this is my boss. Asian Girlfriend: Stop being blind, is bad for your eyes. Jürgen: Oh- I’m so sorry, I did not realize you were gay; und I’ve made so many jokes. Asian Girlfriend: Eat my sweat. Jürgen: Look fella, I don’t swing that way, despite mein perfect body. Jürgen: I hope nobody chases me! *laughs, running into the hammock, then yelling and flipping over* OH GOD! Help! A gland has exploded! Jürgen: Finally, I am alone. horn Dorian: MOVE! Vishalam: Be careful, you almost hit that lesbiananan! Dorian: We’re here! Dorian: Usually, company picnics excite me. James: He-Help! Dorian: Things just haven’t been the same for me ever since my assistant left me for another assistant. Diesel: My ass is his now. Dorian: NOT DIESEL! They keep following me around, antagonizing me. opening a bathroom stall, the two assistants pointing and laughing at him when he does. Dorian opens another stall, the assistants now in that one, pointing and laughing at him again. Dorian: Hello? Diesel: Is your refrigerator running? Dorian: Yes; Of course, why? Assistants: YOU’RE GAY! screaming Dorian: I’ll tell ya, these assistants have been persistent. *gets hit by an egg* AH MY FEELINGS! Assistants: Gay boy, how’s grindr been? punches one of the assistants, picking him up then trowing him into the other one, They scream "Let's get outta here!" as they run away. Damian breathes heavily and Dorian adjusts his collar Dorian: Everyone’s been asking about you, Damian. Damian: Yeah, and They’n keep askin’! That whole family dun cast me out, Dorian! Dorian: Only because you think you’re straight! Damian: I am straight! Dorian: Well you can tell that to mom. And mom. And our donor dad and his transsexual partner palender mystery dog! Damian: Dori- Dorian: No Damian, you’re the only breeder in our family which means its a mental illness! Damian: I was born this way and as my brother I figured you’d be accepting of me! Dorian: They have gay camps that can fix you now, Damian. Damian: Those don’t work. Dorian: Well- interrupted by Jürgen making a bird call and doing a pose Dorian: Good god that’s famed hero fasion deigner, Jürgen! *Jürgen caws* Damian: Yeah, that’s my boss. Dorian: I wish mine was as cool. Bryce: And that’s why you should now start saving for christmas. Vishalam: Then fuck you and fuck christmas! James: Oh, eat my crippled ass! at the table start arguing, Bryce smoking Bryce: Last week I told my assistant “Donavan, arrange for me to host a company picnic for our top performing branch this month!” I got these assholes. Jimmy! You’re within 20 feet of children, where is your shirt? Jimmy: Please don’t make me wear it.. Bryce: Who has the number to his parol officer? raises their hand, cut to Jimmy in a light blue shirt that says ‘RAPIST’ Jimmy: This shade of blue is disgusting. walks over Bryce: Well, well, well, look who finally decided to join us from his blowjob break! Dorian: Don’t sell me short, I’ve comed three men before noon. Bryce: Been there, done that, got the promotion! Dorian: And you people want equality. Craig: So when can I get a promotion? Bryce: The only person I’d be willing to have sex with is literally anyone else. Helen: YOU! In the yellow! If I find that you’ve got drugs on ya you better count me in! *gets hit by a rock* Oh fuck. It’s never the children like you that go missing. I see you, young man, in the purp- *Timmy pants’ her* Well, we got a real comedian over here. Welcome to detention young man, I’ll be your asshole. Mom: Excuse me, ma’am, do not grab my son like that. Helen: Well, I didn’t know you had a mother. Mom: I’m sorry, are you on your period? Helen: Nope, nah... I’ve been scooped clean. Mom: I’m just trying to figure out whether or not to take you seriously, bitch. Helen: I hope you like hospital food. two women start fighting Mom: YOU JUST TRIGGERED A FUCKING MEXICAN! Helen: Eat your mother’s asshole! Mom: No, Timmy, come back here! COME BACK HERE, TIMMY! Jimmy: Well hey there little fella!- Sam: HEY! You get away from that boy, you pervert! Jimmy: Welp, been rustled again! *runs away* Sam: Are you okay, young man? Did he put his hands on you? *Timmy shakes head ‘no’* Here. Have a postcard for courage, because no means no! Mom: Timmy? Where are you baby? Momma wants to go home and get dr- go to sleep! Has anyone seen my son? Oh god.. Timmy!! That’s mother’s adrenaline is kickkng in! TIMMY?! I can see every equation! S’cuse me ma’am have you seen my son? He’s about this tall, clearly gay but we haven’t had the talk. Timmy are you in there?! *kicks a trash can over, finding a coffee* Oh look, my luck’s beginning to turn! *sips the coffee, spitting it out* URGH! WHO THE FUCK PUTS SOY IN THEIR COFFEE?! Do you know where my son is?! Do you- no?! GOD DAMMIT! Jürgen: I feel like I am finally an iguana. At la— *feels Jimmy* Oh, young lady, where did you get this stylish shirt? Jimmy: You want it? Jürgen: Would I ever?! Remove your clothes this instant! Vishalam: People need to watch what they are feeding their children these days. Asian Girlfriend: Herro, indian rady. Vishalam: Good god, sailor moon had a sex change! Asian Girlfriend: And Aziz Ansari finally became a white woman. Would be a shame if your employer found out you don’t fit in to monority program, bitch. Vishalam: Ugh, alright. How much to keep your mouth shut? Asian Girlfriend: 100 dolla®. Vishalam: I have 50 cents and a Vons club card. Asian Girlfriend: Deal. Thank you, Kokaro! *mutters: sucker.* Jürgen: Excuse me, young lady, I’m trying to find my concentration camp, und you can help me. Sam: Jeez Louise, the park is riddled with you rapers. Jürgen: Yes, uh, what’s your name? Sam: NO MEANS NO! *smacks and kicks Jürgen, then pterodactyl screeching* George: This day can’t get any goddamn worse. Oh- fuck! Donna! Donna: Oh, hello, George. George: I haven’t seen you in 50 years and you still look like a slut. Donna: Yeah well I called you the other night, but you were being a little bitch. George: No, no, you didnt talk to me. Donna: Who the hell did I talk to? Hello you old piece of shit. crying, drinking from a wine bottle George: I saw you on that new anisol ad last week Donna: Oh, did’ya buy a bottle? George: I did, but it gave me blood farts. Donna: Let it absorb, let it evaporate and start back at square one. George: You’re fuckin’ disgusting- can you help me find my family? Donna: Well of course! ‘N that’ll give us a little time to catch up. Mom: TIMMY!!! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?! I’ll let you do drugs! TIMMY! I’m gonna have a stroke! WHERES THE PARK RANGER?! Elmer: Thank you. I’ll be in town next week for grandma’s funeral. Mom: ASSHOLE! TELL ME WHERE MY SON IS OR I’LL SUCK YOUR GODDAMN DICK! Elmer: Ma’am, have you tried re-tracing your steps? Mom: RETRACE THIS! *screaming while knocking shit off of Elmer’s desk and knocking the shelves over* Elmer: Ma’ma please stop doing that to my office. Ma’ma, please don’t do that to my office. Mom: *slams the baby on the shelf and pulls pants down* *runs away with pants down to her ankles* *bodyslams on the picnic table* Bryce: Jesus, (spanish of: Puberty hasn’t been kind to dora the explorer) Mom: BITCH! Bryce: Help me, she’s beating me with her mistake! fades out, going to paper cut out versions of the characters as Timmy plays with them in the grass Mom: Timmy, it’s time to come inside, you’ve got that big field trip tomorow! Now help me scrub grandpa! throws the paper cut out grandpa into a patch of sand/dust, George appearing in the desert George: Ugh! Siri, I need you to help me find a pharmacist! Siri: I found 3 doctors nearby George: Bitch, I said a pharmacist! Siri: I found 7 drug dealers nearby George: Alright finished version is up, you’re welcome -rougeofspades-------- Cast and Crew * Kathy - Brandon Rogers * Timmy - Garbeil Gonzalez * George - Brandon Rogers * Elmer - Brandon Rogers * Donna - Paulette Jones * Sam - Brandon Rogers * Helen Brownstein - Brandon Rogers * Jürgen - Brandon Rogers * American Boyfriend - Ben Furney * Damien Ditsen - Logan Bubar * Asian Girlfriend - Brandon Rogers * Alex Rimmer - Brandon Rogers * Dorian Ditsen - Brandon Rogers * Vishalam Rangan - Natalie Hawkins * Craig Dildon - Stephen James * James Shaft - Stephen Rezza * Diesel - David Burton * Kevin - Davis Benz * Bryce Tankthrust - Brandon Rogers * Jimmy Rustler - Benjamin Hall * Writer - Brandon Rogers * Director - Brandon Rogers * Cameraman - Gabriel Gonzalez * Brandon Rogers Doubles - Marcos Castillo, Gabriel Gonzalez, Stephen James Category:Videos Category:A Day at